Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
