Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
