So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
