she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
