you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
