Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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