my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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