You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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