wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
