Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
