Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
