He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize