I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
