my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
