You just made me feel so damn special
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
