You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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