he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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