Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
