I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
