I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
