I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
