a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
