sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize