She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
