One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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