So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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