you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
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