I wish my penis had an off switch
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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