OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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