I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Randomize
