all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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