Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
