Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
