He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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