Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
