can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize