is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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