Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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