She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize