I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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