ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
