my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
