I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
