my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
