When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I puked a lego.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So many bounce houses so little time
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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