i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
