I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize