He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
