Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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