There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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