Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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