good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
