They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
