Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
