sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
