My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
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