true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
