Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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