mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
