I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
