so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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