She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
