I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
