it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
