i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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