On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
