I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize