I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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